Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Crossing Over.

To the Dark Side.

Well, no, of course not literally. And not the Jedi Way.

I'm talking about my life.

Actually, I lead a lot of lives, personality what-nots.

You see a different 'Mish' in school, a different 'Mica' at home, a different 'Mishy' online, a different 'Mei Shuang' in the F4 and Jay world, a different 'Michelle' in the Harry Potter world. Plus other ME's in other times. PFT.

My main problem now is that I can't grasp the change. I can't flow with it, I can't accept it, I can't get used to it.

And I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT. Because I want A LOT of things. And I know that it wouldn't work out.

I like DBSG, and would seriously want to get to know them. I like so many Korean stuff, artists and series but I've been refraining myself to get into them... I feel I don't know... Forced? I feel that if I go and do get to know those artists, I will lose my love of F4.

It just hit me that lately, being an F4 fan has been an obligation. And it's rubbing me the wrong way. Plus I don't even listen to their songs anymore... I just don't feel like it. Heck I feel so uninterested that I don't go to forums anymore. Before my reason for joining and posting is... "I want to be part of it. I want F4." And now... "I have to be part of it. I have to support F4." Sounds so... Yeah. Obligatory, if there is such a word.

But I KNOW I love F4. I do...

Okay. My thoughts are messed up again, and further writing would result to a messy post as well. I'll rid my mind of some things and I'll post this whole personality problem thing later. Ta.

Mish wrote at 10:59 AM