Monday, June 11, 2007
Grow UpI feel that that phrase is something that I should keep repeating to myself. Because as the days pass by, I AM growing older, it shouldn't be the other way around.
I should be able to understand things a little bit better at the least, and to face whatever comes to me in a mature way, and accept it.
I think one reason, that I am afraid to enter college is because I KNOW for a fact that I am terrible at socializing with people, and I am scared to be alone and not have any friends at all. Come on, it IS going to be FOUR YEARS of being with my block. I really know they are nice and are fun, but my problem is definitely MYSELF. =x I don't know what to do, seriously.
I want to reach out and make friends and stuff, but I always end up not being able to say anything. And so I always always just................................... become someone who watches other people as they chat and have fun with each other. And I'm left alone to think and keeel myself asking why I am so incapable of starting a simple conversation. It's pathetic. YEAH I KNOW -_-;
Because of this I often get misinterpreted at times. But really, I'm a very... how do you say this... outgoing friend. mnjkfngahgjka I'M NOISY and I chat a lot. =x I think even my closest friend do not know this, except maybe for my bestfriend, who is currently provinces away. Many times I seem like a really quiet, reserved and introverted person, BUT GAH. =x I can be as extroverted as I want to be.
The only two things that are really keeping me from showing that side to other people are my very low confidence and over sensitivity. I'm scared about what they will say, and well... I just really don't have the confidence no matter how I try. My little confidence easily gets crushed. I get so paranoid too. I hate it.
I always screw up things because of this, like last year. Let's get this straight---I LOVE ACTING. I LOVE BEING ON STAGE.
But. Over the past years, I lost my confidence. Because... let's face it--- a lot of people out there has got a lot of things to say, and they don't care if they are hurting other people, or are putting them down. So yes, basically that's what happened. I still have that love for acting, but I do not have enough c0nfidence left to stand out there, and do my thing.
Right now, I KNOW what I want to achieve and the things I want to do, I know what my problem is, BUT the missing part of the whole thing is the one in between-- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO TO REACH THOSE GOALS AND TO OVERCOME THIS PROBLEM? =S WHAT. =/
*sigh*
I really thought that after I left SPCP, I will feel better and be more confident about myself. Now I'm entering this university... And I feel as uneasy and doubtful as I have back in my old school.
I should be able to understand things a little bit better at the least, and to face whatever comes to me in a mature way, and accept it.
I think one reason, that I am afraid to enter college is because I KNOW for a fact that I am terrible at socializing with people, and I am scared to be alone and not have any friends at all. Come on, it IS going to be FOUR YEARS of being with my block. I really know they are nice and are fun, but my problem is definitely MYSELF. =x I don't know what to do, seriously.
I want to reach out and make friends and stuff, but I always end up not being able to say anything. And so I always always just................................... become someone who watches other people as they chat and have fun with each other. And I'm left alone to think and keeel myself asking why I am so incapable of starting a simple conversation. It's pathetic. YEAH I KNOW -_-;
Because of this I often get misinterpreted at times. But really, I'm a very... how do you say this... outgoing friend. mnjkfngahgjka I'M NOISY and I chat a lot. =x I think even my closest friend do not know this, except maybe for my bestfriend, who is currently provinces away. Many times I seem like a really quiet, reserved and introverted person, BUT GAH. =x I can be as extroverted as I want to be.
The only two things that are really keeping me from showing that side to other people are my very low confidence and over sensitivity. I'm scared about what they will say, and well... I just really don't have the confidence no matter how I try. My little confidence easily gets crushed. I get so paranoid too. I hate it.
I always screw up things because of this, like last year. Let's get this straight---I LOVE ACTING. I LOVE BEING ON STAGE.
But. Over the past years, I lost my confidence. Because... let's face it--- a lot of people out there has got a lot of things to say, and they don't care if they are hurting other people, or are putting them down. So yes, basically that's what happened. I still have that love for acting, but I do not have enough c0nfidence left to stand out there, and do my thing.
Right now, I KNOW what I want to achieve and the things I want to do, I know what my problem is, BUT the missing part of the whole thing is the one in between-- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO TO REACH THOSE GOALS AND TO OVERCOME THIS PROBLEM? =S WHAT. =/
*sigh*
I really thought that after I left SPCP, I will feel better and be more confident about myself. Now I'm entering this university... And I feel as uneasy and doubtful as I have back in my old school.
Mish wrote at 12:12 PM
Hey Mish! :) I understand what you mean... I felt the exact same way back when I was in first year. I was far from sociable when I was in high school so I was all edgy and panicky during college. I'm not good at making conversion or making friends, though I try. Takot kasi ako sa tao. LOL! I kind of still am, to be honest. Trust me though, you'll be fine. College is an entirely different and much bigger world than high school. I'm sure you'll find people whom you'll click with, even with your flaws and all. Just don't close yourself up. ^_^ Or if you get really bored in campus, kwentuhan na lang tayo about DBSK... I just recently got bitten by the bug. Late no? wehehehe! Cheer up dearie! ^_^
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