Monday, January 19, 2009

HFKDHSKGDSJHGKAS MARK THIS DAYY

I feel like crap. D:

What happened to me? These past two years, I KNOW I lost track of a lot of things, and spent a lot of fucking time on fandom and business instead of school.
Now it's so difficult to return to how I used to be.

I miss high school, 2006? When I knew what to do, and I could do it. I knew the things that needed to be done, my responsibilities, what was important, and I had self-control to accomplish all of those first before other less important matters.

I HAVE ZERO SELF-CONTROL NOW. My attention span is worse than an overly-hyper kid.

I can't even make lists of things to do and actually finish them all off.

----- And I used to think I don't change.
D: Well, fuck that.

Because I did, and now, even if I want to go back and fix things, redo everything all over again -- it's impossible. I can't count how many stupid, irrational and fucked up decisions I've made since I graduated from high school.

This isn't me, and I KNOW IT. D: I KNOW I can do WAY FUCKING BETTER than how I am doing now. I can't believe I've allowed myself to settle for less in the past two years.

I HAVE. TO. FIX. MYSELF.

Or else, like Pa said, I won't survive.

....... before I do that, though, I have to take this Japanese test. 50 points. I know it's not that much, but right now it is to me. If I don't get anywhere after this, I will seriously go on an indefinite hiatus from fandom. Right now it seems impossible that I'd actually let that happen, but I will, if I don't at least get a passing mark on this test.


DAMNIT. 2009 01 19 -- fucking get your life back together.

Mish wrote at 5:53 PM